Yoga, tool of SATAN! 11/03/2011
Yep, it's true. I just heard it on the train. I hear all the best insanity on the train. Apparently, the mere fact that yoga is connected with Eastern religions means that it's a doorway for the devil. Sit down, wrap your right ankle over your left ear, get your transcendental freak on and the very second you succeed in slipping out of your physical body, there's the Old Boy himself with a butterfly net, ready to grab your floaty soul and whisk it away to realms of eternal damnation. So the lady on the train was saying, earnestly, into her phone, as she passed on a tale of having recently snatched an unwary friend from the jaws of Yoga Evil.
Well, lawks, is all I can say. What next? What untold evils lurk in the realms of hitherto innocent-seeming alternative routines? Does acupuncture allow Satan to sneak in through all those convenient little holes in the dermis? Does holding crystals, perhaps, give him focus, acting like a magnifying glass on sunlight, permitting satanic influences to burn the goodness out of one’s soul, leaving only crisp and sooty baditude?
Anyway, I shall be jolly careful next time I buy some joss sticks, I can tell you. I mean, they probably don’t even put ‘inhaling pure SATAN’ on the label, or anything. And as for Bikram yoga, the one you do in boiling hot rooms? That’s obviously just a preparation for the fires. In fact, since I’m quite obviously hellbound anyway, what with all the alternative stuff, maybe I should try it out; it’s practically boot camp.